GFD logo
  
Username:
Password:
          Home   Log in   Get an account  
Rankings  
Privacy   FAQ   Contact   Chat live  
Stickers   GFD Store  


Stories Comments Both
relationships Really? What the hell are you doing!?
by youassholes
gfd messages
 on Feb 16, 2010 12:37:07 AM

If you were logged in, you could vote for this story!
This one goes out to the ladies.
 
Dear Women:

Why do you think you aren't prostitutes? Relationships end up the same fucking way every time. I just spent a whole shitload of money on you, you fucked me a few times, and then I got tired of you and kicked you out of a moving car. QUIT COMPLAINING ABOUT EVERYTHING. Yes, all of you are different, unique beautiful butterflies. All of you are so different, some of you are shy, others are not so shy. Some of you have this mental disorder, the others have this other mental disorder. Some of you were "raped." Wait, no, about 90% of you were "raped." I put it in quotation marks because RAPE DOESN'T FUCKING HAPPEN ENOUGH FOR 90% OF YOU TO HAVE BEEN RAPED BY YOUR LAST BOYFRIEND, UNLESS YOU WERE ALL DATING THE SAME FUCKING GUY. What the fuck!?

Some of you cry because you think I give a fucking shit about this or that, and I don't. When you cry, the first thing that enters my head is, "OH FUCKING FUCK. NOT A-FUCKING-GAIN. HOW CAN I JUMP OUT OF A CAR WHEN I'M STUCK IN A MOVIE THEATER WITH YOU?" Hold on, let me go spend a couple of grand on fucking clothes for you again. Oh wait, you want to go out to eat? Oh okay, let me spend a FEW HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS ON YOUR FOOD FOR YOU. ARE YOU DONE CRYING YET? Sheesh. It's like all women are programmed by the worst stereotypical imagery of a broken individual.

But then there's you, babe. You really are different than the rest. You weren't fake-raped, you weren't sluttified, you are pure, unadulterated fucking pimp-ass-awesome. Babe, you really are beautiful, and it isn't just your looks. Your personality, your sense of humor, all of these sound like a chorus of angels raining down from heaven. This is good enough to be an apology from God himself for the rest of my life up until now. Girl, just hearing your voice makes me smile like the happiest man on the planet. I feel clumsy around you because of your immaculate grace, and despite being the perfect woman for me, I do not feel good enough for you. You make me want to be a better person, you make me want to believe that anything is possible. Wait... why are you crying? Your dad did what!? WHAT? YOUR DAD RAPED YOU, TOO? WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU TELL THE POLICE? WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME!? WAIT A SECOND. YOU HAVE SEVEN LOCKS ON YOUR DOOR? Okay, that's fine, let's move on, I'll take you to a nice place, we can do whatever you want. Good, you are happy, we go back to my place. You lean your head on my shoulder, and I actually come close to tearing up. It's a fucking chick-flick. How the hell did you do this to me? Wait, quit TALKING ABOUT YOUR RAPE. MATTHEW MACAUGHNAHAY ISN'T GOING TO RAPE YOU, YOU CRAZY FUCKING BITCH! OKAY, that's it. Please leave. Yes, you are crying, but I'm jaded. I've seen the same fucking horror story about eleven times now. Please, walk out the door, and drive home. Do not call me, do not e-mail me, do not text me, and please, do not talk to me. Please, go away.

[ Comment on this story ]


    that's too bad
    by bakanagaijin(asshole@inter.net)
    gfd messagesMSN
    		 on Feb 16, 2010 11:21:18 PM
    (#28363)
    If she was so awesome then it might have been time to sit and listen instead of throwing money at it. I'd have turned off whatever noise was on, pointed out something about undivided attention, let her get it all out, asked for any clarification that I'd probably need, taken mental notes, tried to remember things that might matter someday, proven that I can listen, etc etc. If it came up later on, and there wasn't any new information to be shared or any old information that had been suddenly recalled, I'd point out how making that a focal point is a big mistake we can avoid etc. If there was any new information then I'd start over at the top and be the good guy until it was all history. I can draw you a flow chart if you want. I don't know this, I only believe this is a good alternative because I've had plenty of time to think about how fucking nice it would be if someone (who fits your description of her) ever wanted to put her head on my shoulder.

    But it sounds like the junk food spoiled your appetite. Sorry to hear.
    [Reply to this comment]
    dude.
    by tinfoilhat(eatpoo@yahoo.com)
    gfd messagesMSN
    		 on Feb 17, 2010 03:10:41 PM
    (#28365)
    here's my advice: stop dating whores

    [Reply to this comment]
    No girls on the internet
    by MakoRuu(Inailedyoursister@herfriends.house)
    gfd messagesAIMMSN
    		 on Feb 22, 2010 10:33:16 PM
    (#28374)
    There aren't any girls on the internet. We like to think there is so that we don't feel gay when we fall for them. But it's been my experience that internet girls are either: Fat, ugly, stupid (Or a combination of them all.) OR, they're emotionally crippled, mentally unstable, or just plain outright crazy. (I've actually found some that were a mixture of all the wonderful listed qualities.)
    [Reply to this comment]
      Hey
      by scarygermanguy(none@yourbusiness.com)
      gfd messages
      		 on Feb 23, 2010 02:45:42 AM
      (#28375)
      You left out old dudes with hairy walnuts pretending to be chicks. You'd be amazed how many guys are unknowingly beating off to other guys in a chatroom.

      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
      May I interrupt?
      by thatsme(nada@sympatico.ca)
      gfd messages
      		 on Feb 23, 2010 11:49:48 PM
      (#28377)
      As a girl on the internet (who is neither fat, ugly, nor stupid. Oh. And my emotional state is great, I am mentally stable and if you don't count talking to drivers that cannot hear me in traffic, there are no "crazy signs") I would just like to make my voice heard. We are here...but we are standing back and watching you guys do whatever it is you do.
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
    50/50 chance
    by egogg(1337@clownpenis.fart)
    gfd messages
    		 on Feb 25, 2010 07:15:49 PM
    (#28383)
    Them's the odds, boy.

    Females in general have to deal with sexuality at a very young age, and about half of them are abused/raped. Congrats! you get to deal with it.

    If you don't like it, why not make an attempt to change our fucked-up society/culture rather than simply bitching about it?
    [Reply to this comment]
    Women! That are not like men! gold star
    by TheChisa(myballs@your.chin)
    gfd messagesAIM
    		 on Feb 28, 2010 03:46:37 PM
    (#28397)
    Let me tell you a story my good friend of woes and sorrow. I once too was known to a woman, and brother man that was the mistake. Oh yes. You see I had in my head an idea of a woman how she is that was not the way! How dare them! After so many years of television adverts explaining to me that the way to a woman's heart/vagina (little known fact, they are the same organ) was by drinking large quantities of Budweiser Brand Alcoholic Beverages TM.
    [Reply to this comment]
      Silly Chisa
      by scarygermanguy(none@yourbusiness.com)
      gfd messages
      		 on Feb 28, 2010 07:30:33 PM
      (#28401)
      "After so many years of television adverts explaining to me that the way to a woman's heart/vagina (little known fact, they are the same organ) was by drinking large quantities of Budweiser Brand Alcoholic Beverages TM."

      That isn't how you get a woman, that's how you can stand to fuck a real ditch pig of a woman.
      You only get a woman's heart/vagina with large sums of cash or expensive sparkly stuff.
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]

[ Comment on this story | Back to top ]