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Stories Comments Both
computers You're grounded.
by TheChisa
gfd messagesAIM
 (myballs@your.chin) on Sep 23, 2003 03:20:36 PM

If you were logged in, you could vote for this story!
Or: Why a cheap ass metal box has been the bane of my existence for a year.
 
Herein lies a tale of woe unforeseen by human eyes before, a story of such unbelievable frustration that the mind boggles just thinking about it.

In the early summer of 2002, I acquired an old Gateway tower case from a local landlord. He was cleaning out a room that a previous tenant had left under the cover of darkness, and he agreed that I could keep anything I found if I helped him. The score of my haul was the Gateway. Previously owned by the DuPont corporation, it housed only a Pentium-133, but it was a FULL ATX case that I could put pretty much any motherboard I wanted into, with 4 full size front bays and -- count 'em -- SEVEN internal hard drive bays. This thing had "server" written all over it.

So I cleaned out the guts and put in an Athlon 750 combo I bought secondhand off of Nintariman. And it was good.

Then around September of 2002, the computer began to act a bit flaky. It took more and more times to try and get it booted successfully. I thought at first that maybe the clock battery had died, but replacing that did nothing. So I replaced the power supply, believing there might be some faulty capacitors. Still nothing.

Due to events that are detailed elsewhere on this site, I was unemployed until the spring of 2003. Then, when I had money to do so, I bought a replacement motherboard -- once again, believing the problem to be in the capacitor array. The replacement never booted. It was at this point I began to get a little paranoid.

One of my roommates took pity on me, and gave me a spare board with chip and RAM -- a Pentium-3 running at 950. He had even tested this particular configuration before giving it to me. So I put it in the tower. It didn't boot. What the FUCK? I've LITERALLY replaced EVERYTHING!

My luck was so horrendous by this point that I simply resigned myself to using shitty computers. I cobbled together a Pentium-2 @ 233 in a desktop case I found in one of the university dumpsters. Hilariously, this little trooper is still running great -- in fact, I am typing this GFD on it now!

Now it's September of 2003. Another friend, hearing my situation, brought me an unbelievably generous gift -- an Athlon 1.21 GHz that he never uses since getting a laptop. I was touched and thanked him profusely, and in a few days began the task of transferring the guts to the four bay tower.

In a matter of hours I had purged the demon that is XP and installed good old 98SE on the sucker, finagled all the updates and ironed out all the driver bugs. Mission accomplished. Satisfied with what was my best work so far, I moved the case from the workbench to the desk where it would sit in my studio, eager to get to work finishing all the things that had been backburnered for the last twelve months.

Click, goes the power switch. CLUNK, goes the computer.

"Oh Jesus," I cried to the Heavens, "not again. Not this one, please. ANYTHING but that."

Click. CLUNK.

God...



















...FUCKING...





















...DAMN IT!!!!!!!!



I screamed as loud as my human lungs could expel and spit words out of my mouth in no human language; I was quite literally speaking in tongues from the unbridled anger saturating my cranium. "JESUS MOTHERFUCKING CHRIST ON A GODDAMN ROTISSERIE! WHY THE HELL DOES EVERY FUCKING COMPUTER I PUT IN THIS GODDAMN CASE TURN INTO A PIECE OF SH--"

I stopped myself in midsentence. If I were near a mirror, I swear that at that moment, I would have seen my head turn into a donkey, a la those old Bugs Bunny cartoons, with a huge JACKASS sign suspended above.

The case.

Holy shit. The motherfucking case.

I grabbed one of the unconnected line cables from my mixing board and pressed my thumb to the positive terminal. The speakers went: bzzzzzzzzzzzzzt.

With my other hand, I touched the side of my old, ungrounded window fan. The speakers went: BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!

Then I touched the Pentium-2 case, which had always worked quite well. The speaker hum ceased entirely.

What do you think happened when I touched the tower case?

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!


A ground short. Son of a BITCH. Five years I've been fixing computers and never, ever, EVER have I heard of the CASE being the source of a problem. THIS ACCURSED METAL BOX HAS BEEN KILLING MY COMPUTERS FOR A FULL FUCKING YEAR.

So that's that. That demonic son of a bitch is going out to the curb as soon as I get everything salvagable out of it. I haven't actually checked to see if the 1.21 is ireparably fried yet, because I was so angry last night that all I could do to keep from killing the first living thing that crossed my path was crawl into bed and pound my nuts for an hour, and then fall fitfully to sleep.

[ Comment on this story ]


    Best Story Ever
    by GFDman(mike at godfuckingdamnit point com)
    gfd messagesAIM
    		 on Sep 23, 2003 03:27:04 PM
    (#9377)
    Kill Me! It'll be Great!
    [Reply to this comment]
    Your title has performed an illegal pun and will be shut down
    by cxreg(cxreg@godfuckingdamnit.com)
    gfd messagesAIM
    		 on Sep 23, 2003 04:15:56 PM
    (#9378)
    I mourn for all the dead hardware claimed by this foul beast. Shades of Burst.net
    [Reply to this comment]
    Bravo sir!
    by bean
    gfd messages
    		 on Sep 23, 2003 04:44:42 PM
    (#9380)
    A 10. By far, an excellent example of a GFD moment. Sorry you had to go through such hellfor it. Though I'm sure you can find a non-satan-possessed case. Thanks for the cameo.
    [Reply to this comment]
    Damn
    by Spanker(munsterinthedark@hotmail.com)
    gfd messagesAIM
    		 on Sep 23, 2003 05:20:49 PM
    (#9381)
    Damn, I can't even begin to feel that frustration, I mean, damn, holy fucking shit. Damn. ::raises finger, and takes breath for new word. Nope:: Damn.
    [Reply to this comment]
    Maybe this wasn't obvious at the time... heartpoopmr yuk
    by chuffycow(none@none.com)
    gfd messagesAIM
    		 on Sep 23, 2003 09:01:39 PM
    (#9385)
    But after you'd replaced EVERYTHING EXCEPT THE CASE, and it still killed the second to last motherboard, wouldn't you MAYBE THINK that it was the fucking CASE? And for that matter, didn't you double check and triple check all the motherboard attach points to make sure they were setup properly? Maybe you should get a Macintosh.
    [Reply to this comment]
      Hey, maybe this isn't obvious right now, gold starthumbs upheartpooppoop
      by TheChisa(myballs@your.chin)
      gfd messagesAIM
      		 on Sep 23, 2003 09:10:19 PM
      (#9387)
      but has it occured to you that MAYBE, just MAYBE, you're a COMPLETE FUCKING SHITHEAD WHO DOESN'T KNOW HIS ASS FROM A BULLET HOLE IN HIS FOREHEAD?

      It hasn't? Well then, MAYBE YOU SHOULD GET A BULLET HOLE IN YOUR FOREHEAD.
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
        well
        by kraken
        gfd messages
        		 on Sep 23, 2003 09:11:12 PM
        (#9388)
        I would have checked the possibility of shorting it on the case after the first crapout.
        [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
          Well, you're a god diddly damn genius then.
          by TheChisa(myballs@your.chin)
          gfd messagesAIM
          		 on Sep 23, 2003 09:12:33 PM
          (#9389)
          Because in my admittedly highly streamlined world, a box is a box is a box.
          [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
            clearly
            by kraken
            gfd messages
            		 on Sep 23, 2003 09:17:11 PM
            (#9392)
            you've never shorted a board on the case before. this was your learning experience. from now on, you will check for that obsessively. if not, THEN you are an idiot.
            [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
              Oh, make no mistake, I learned. thumbs up
              by TheChisa(myballs@your.chin)
              gfd messagesAIM
              		 on Sep 23, 2003 09:23:26 PM
              (#9394)
              Hence my "jackass" moment of realization. I'll be checking every single board and power configuration out on a STYROFOAM PLATTER before I even think about putting it in a case.

              In fact, I'm considering putting my next computer into my fiberglass mannequin's torso. That would be a bitchin' case mod -- HDD and POWER lights in the eyes, fan vents in the breasts, an array of IO ports in the back of the neck like Ghost in the Shell, etc.
              [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
        Pshaw
        by chuffycow(none@none.com)
        gfd messagesAIM
        		 on Sep 23, 2003 09:13:02 PM
        (#9390)
        Is that all that the great Chisa can come up with? *zap* There goes another computer!
        [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
          Yep.
          by TheChisa(myballs@your.chin)
          gfd messagesAIM
          		 on Sep 23, 2003 09:14:23 PM
          (#9391)
          *BANG* There goes another brain!

          As if "maybe you should get a Macintosh" was oh, so fucking ORIGINAL. Wow, never heard that one before! That's clever and cheeky!
          [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
            It may be original and cheecky,
            by Jewsus(I'm paranoid@yahoo.fuck.off)
            gfd messagesAIM
            		 on Sep 23, 2003 09:24:20 PM
            (#9396)
            but if fucking true... I love my mac, but I feel for you. That comment about the bullet hole and the ass was pure genius, I love it. 10 for you sir.
            [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
              It wouldn't get my goat so much,
              by TheChisa(myballs@your.chin)
              gfd messagesAIM
              		 on Sep 23, 2003 09:28:26 PM
              (#9398)
              but I was exclusively a Mac person until they released System 8, which wouldn't run on my SE/30. I loved that little computer. I used to drop it from three feet at parties.

              Me: Hey, everyone! Check this out! KATHUNK

              Crowd: (gasps)

              Me: Not to worry! It's a MAC! (reaches down, hits power switch; computer boots)

              Crowd: Ooo! Ahhh! (applause)
              [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
            My sentiments have already been discussed
            by Spanker(munsterinthedark@hotmail.com)
            gfd messagesAIM
            		 on Sep 23, 2003 09:29:40 PM
            (#9399)
            With the elaboriate explanation of "damn." But, Macs all the way, I have to say :\ Then again, I'm sure you hear that from enough of us mac whores as it is. So I'll leave you with your well deserved 10.
            [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
              Well, sir, poop
              by TheChisa(myballs@your.chin)
              gfd messagesAIM
              		 on Sep 23, 2003 09:34:30 PM
              (#9400)
              show me a Macintosh that:

              1. Natively runs Fruityloops, Cakewalk Pro Audio and Sound Forge, and has support for VST instruments, Microsoft DX plugins, and SoundFonts,

              2. Can be upgraded by swiping components out of computers that have been left on the side of the road for garbage collection, and

              3. STILL PLAYS THE OLD SYSTEM 7 VERSION OF CRYSTAL QUEST

              and you will have yourself a new Mac user. Until then, I politely decline.
              [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
                I can totally 100% play crystal quest, and poop
                by Jewsus(I'm paranoid@yahoo.fuck.off)
                gfd messagesAIM
                		 on Sep 23, 2003 09:37:09 PM
                (#9402)
                I EVEN HAVE the editor, suck that, 1 down.
                [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
                  Oh, shut up. heartpoop
                  by TheChisa(myballs@your.chin)
                  gfd messagesAIM
                  		 on Sep 23, 2003 09:38:54 PM
                  (#9404)
                  Like you even know what Crystal Quest is. You're like seven years old.
                  [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
                    I was like seven. poop
                    by Jewsus(I'm paranoid@yahoo.fuck.off)
                    gfd messagesAIM
                    		 on Sep 23, 2003 09:41:45 PM
                    (#9406)
                    EAT ME, I bet you never got past level 50 you bastard.

                    I had a preforma with two fucking processors you ignorant foo!
                    [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
                      I am a Crystal Quest champion, you clown. poop
                      by TheChisa(myballs@your.chin)
                      gfd messagesAIM
                      		 on Sep 23, 2003 09:44:24 PM
                      (#9408)
                      I was so obsessed with that game that I used ResEdit to crack the Mos Eisley font out of it so I could use it in DeskPaint and Aldus Pagemaker.

                      BOO YAH. WHO IS THE OLD SCHOOL MAC GOD NOW, LITTLE PEON?
                      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
                        Holy god, you whore! poop
                        by Jewsus(I'm paranoid@yahoo.fuck.off)
                        gfd messagesAIM
                        		 on Sep 23, 2003 09:46:05 PM
                        (#9412)
                        God, I bow to you. I only replaced my desktop startup pic with the animation from the opening.
                        [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
                        BLARGH poop
                        by Spanker(munsterinthedark@hotmail.com)
                        gfd messagesAIM
                        		 on Sep 23, 2003 09:47:26 PM
                        (#9413)
                        Get my brother in here, damn age limitations!! That's cheating, I could barely read well enough to do that shit! :D
                        [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
                        I would just like to say poop
                        by Spanker(munsterinthedark@hotmail.com)
                        gfd messagesAIM
                        		 on Sep 23, 2003 09:53:42 PM
                        (#9421)
                        It is good to see that the old mac gamers still revel in the good old days, and that, no matter who the greater gamer (you, but possibly just because of sheer age limitations that were in affect for Jewsus and I and our younger years) it is good to meet another who remembers teh days of Crystal Quest. Ooo, pegleg, that game was so spledidly pointless I loved it.
                        [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
                          Yeah it was. poop
                          by TheChisa(myballs@your.chin)
                          gfd messagesAIM
                          		 on Sep 23, 2003 11:18:14 PM
                          (#9433)
                          I actually found a version for Palm Pilot, but sadly it just wasn't the same. A pointer interface just couldn't compete with that weird inertia-based movement. Thankfully, though, I have discovered the amazingly superior (and a LOT GODDAMN HARDER) XQuest for PC.
                          [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
                      "my ancient computer cock is bigger than your ancient computer cock" poop
                      by kraken
                      gfd messages
                      		 on Sep 23, 2003 09:45:02 PM
                      (#9409)

                      I've got a 4-way Alpha EV45 in the closet right now. Lick me.
                      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
                    Hey man, poop
                    by Spanker(munsterinthedark@hotmail.com)
                    gfd messagesAIM
                    		 on Sep 23, 2003 09:45:51 PM
                    (#9410)
                    I played crystal quest, hell, I even resedited my own damn characters such as rambo, MacReady, and many other childhood stars. We're on your side man, and I played that, and most everything after. Myth, myth 2, marathon 1,2, and infinite, ludicrus, C&C (though it was later) Fallout (also later) Boom, Indiana Jones and the lost something or other, It's all good!
                    [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
                Well you were very nice about that
                by Spanker(munsterinthedark@hotmail.com)
                gfd messagesAIM
                		 on Sep 23, 2003 09:42:19 PM
                (#9407)
                Generally, for the things you mentioned, we mac users look at alternatives, rather than those specific programs. And I totally understand knowing one program (audio or otherwise) and not giving a fuck about learning another, so, you have the mac grace to continue on your PC path. :D
                What's with all the audio editing stuff? Those programs scare me, I stick to the would be basics of image and slight video editing, photoshop etc. It's sad how poorly I use my beautiful G4, dp 1.25, 768 (soon 1.25 gb) mb ddr, mmmmm dual processorss... (leaks saliva)
                [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
                  I make music, is what's with it.
                  by TheChisa(myballs@your.chin)
                  gfd messagesAIM
                  		 on Sep 23, 2003 09:45:57 PM
                  (#9411)
                  An example has been provided for your perusal.
                  [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
                    Not bad heart
                    by Spanker(munsterinthedark@hotmail.com)
                    gfd messagesAIM
                    		 on Sep 23, 2003 09:50:14 PM
                    (#9416)
                    Not bad, especially considering I can almost never take listening to whatever genre one would classify that as for more than a minute, always moves too slow for me, but none the less, entertaining to say the least.
                    [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
        Great... thumbs up
        by chuffycow(none@none.com)
        gfd messagesAIM
        		 on Sep 23, 2003 09:38:25 PM
        (#9403)
        Attack my character with stupid statements, while I point out your fuckup. You win.
        [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
          Perhaps you didn't notice this, gold star
          by TheChisa(myballs@your.chin)
          gfd messagesAIM
          		 on Sep 23, 2003 09:39:58 PM
          (#9405)
          but, uh, the whole point of writing this story was that I ACTUALLY POINTED OUT MY OWN FUCKUP, GENIUS.
          [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
            Yes yes
            by chuffycow(none@none.com)
            gfd messagesAIM
            		 on Sep 23, 2003 09:52:12 PM
            (#9418)
            But you did it while destroying a large amount of good hardware. If you want me to pat your back and say "good job, you CAN learn from your mistakes" then I think you are on wrong site. I can't wait to see you figure out that condoms keep you from impregnating girls. GEE HONEY, THIS TIME I DIDN'T KNOCK YOU UP!
            [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
    wow... sorry chisa
    by bobby(shutyourface@irule.com)
    gfd messages
    		 on Sep 23, 2003 09:07:30 PM
    (#9386)
    if it's any consolation... i gave your story a 10.
    [Reply to this comment]
    youre score...
    by nusschen
    gfd messagesICQ
    		 on Sep 23, 2003 09:23:39 PM
    (#9395)
    Good execution of story, relatable topic, pluses for frustration and vulgarity! Good Job. Ten lame little kindergarten sticky stars for you!
    [Reply to this comment]
    Oh do I relate...
    by Trigger(fuckyouupyourstupidass@blowmeyoucunt.com)
    gfd messages
    		 on Sep 23, 2003 10:19:07 PM
    (#9426)
    I've had to rebuild many a computer because of something really bizzare...
    [Reply to this comment]
    Addendum
    by TheChisa(myballs@your.chin)
    gfd messagesAIM
    		 on Sep 23, 2003 11:21:34 PM
    (#9435)
    I just tested the 1.21 Athlon and it's running fine in the original case, thank a merciful God in Heaven. Didn't even lose any data. Maybe I should test out that P3-950 and see if that still works, too.
    [Reply to this comment]
      to fix this...
      by ryepup
      gfd messages
      		 on Sep 29, 2003 11:11:29 PM
      (#9571)
      you can get some foam or the anti-static sleeve that a motherboard comes in (anything non-conductive), and lay it down in the case, then screw the motherboard in on top of the foam/sleeve. I had the grounding problem when building my latest computer. It would never boot, and I could never figure it out until I googled around and found some guys commenting about the fit of the motherboard with my particular case. Apparently the short was with the bottom of the motherboard and the case. A layer of foam later, it was all up and running, no problems.

      Not that I expect you'd want to even bother at this point, the "Cosby Kids" destroying it would probably be worth more anyway.
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
        {insert witty and pertinent "oneliner" prelude to the actual comment here}
        by Skewfield(bean makes me fart)
        gfd messagesAIM
        		 on Sep 29, 2003 11:56:40 PM
        (#9575)
        Not that I expect you'd want to even bother at this point, the "Cosby Kids" destroying it would probably be worth more anyway.


        uh huh. especially if you caught it on film!!!
        [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
    Not to hold a grudge or anything gold starthumbs up
    by GMFTatsujin(Ask and ye shall receive)
    gfd messagesAIM
    		 on Sep 24, 2003 09:19:54 AM
    (#9437)
    "In a matter of hours I had purged the demon that is XP and installed good old 98SE on the sucker.."

    This comment was preceeded by:

    "You use Microsoft products. You have no right whining."

    You've had this coming since January 28! Sweet, sweet vengeance... Suck it, Trebek!

    MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA



    PS: You still get a 10. I hate when shit like that happens.
    [Reply to this comment]
    yeah
    by Skewfield(bean makes me fart)
    gfd messagesAIM
    		 on Sep 24, 2003 11:41:21 AM
    (#9441)
    i had this happen to me once... well, i got a new case to make a frankenbox from a bunch of dead computers but the case was shaped a little funny and the motherboard was touching in a corner i couldn't see particularly well... but i didn't know it at the time. so i booted it up, it went through it's boot thing, i had to shut it down to move something around, and then i started it back up... *pop* *bloop* "FUCK!"

    *sigh* i guess that will teach me.
    [Reply to this comment]
    regarding the "found" case
    by raven(duz ur face hurt its killin me)
    gfd messagesAIM
    		 on Sep 24, 2003 04:26:13 PM
    (#9445)
    DESTROY IT LEST IT BE FOUND AGAIN
    or
    AWARD IT TO AN ANNOYING ACQUAINTANCE!
    [Reply to this comment]
      Into the firey mouth of Mt Doom
      by cxreg(cxreg@godfuckingdamnit.com)
      gfd messagesAIM
      		 on Sep 24, 2003 04:28:48 PM
      (#9446)
      it's the only way to be sure. no wait, that's "lift off and nuke it from orbit"
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
        a shot in the dark heart
        by raven(duz ur face hurt its killin me)
        gfd messagesAIM
        		 on Sep 24, 2003 04:32:46 PM
        (#9447)
        fucky computer case is to nerds what the videotape in "the ring" is to junior high girls.

        write a movie, make a million pesos! gfd, your rich ass!
        [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
      Oh, you just don't know.
      by TheChisa(myballs@your.chin)
      gfd messagesAIM
      		 on Sep 25, 2003 12:05:30 AM
      (#9458)
      Down the street from me live a posse of black children, roughly 8 to 12 years old, whom have affectionately become known as "the Cosby Kids." These little bastards have taken to playing on my deck very loudly until I come barging out the front door, yelling "YOU DAMN KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN!" (Yes, in fact, I have used this phrase in complete earnest. Sad, I know.)

      When I discovered this case's demonic inclinations, I thought to myself: how exactly would be the best way to go about exorcising it? And the two heretofore unmet worlds suddenly became one.

      So here's my plan: I'm going to build up the Gateway tower one last time -- but this time, I'm going to pack it full of all the unused junk I've been collecting over the years. A Pentium 120 chip will form the brain, and an old VGA-Plus 16 color ISA video card it's face, and a Crystal Labs Sound Galaxy it's mouth. 14.4 modems will adorn it's slots, 5.25 floppy drives and 4x CDROMs it's bays, 5-pin DINs and SPP Parallels it's ports.

      I will then deliver this gift to the Cosby Kids and instruct them to demolish it any way they see fit. With any luck, they'll let me videotape it.
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
    It's Not Waste Until It's Wasted...
    by magictime69(jason@huntingtonbeach.com)
    gfd messages
    		 on Sep 25, 2003 12:00:41 AM
    (#9457)
    I was hungery the other day and found myself eating a piece of cheese from a dumpster...which some nice person had placed there for me. Many useful things are tossed or left behind some for a reason some not. Funny story, at least your exorcism went well, in the long run.
    [Reply to this comment]
      Normally I'm inclined to agree with you.
      by TheChisa(myballs@your.chin)
      gfd messagesAIM
      		 on Sep 25, 2003 12:06:44 AM
      (#9459)
      I've gotten most of my upgrades through charitable means, but this damn thing really is just cursed by YHWH.
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
    I can't believe this.
    by The Gaborg(Sidekick in my own life)
    gfd messagesYahooMSNICQ
    		 on Aug 24, 2009 09:57:24 AM
    (#27713)
    There are still Chisa rants out there I haven't voted for.
    For which I haven't voted.
    For which I have not... aw, fuck it.

    (Absolut 10, of course. How I miss this kind of stuff.)
    [Reply to this comment]
    GFD is right
    by sentoprizm
    gfd messages
    		 on Oct 11, 2009 12:42:01 PM
    (#28014)
    I've been there--with other types of shorts to ground. I fixed one very similar where every time you opened the door to the machine the thing would likely short out, bringing down the machine. Stacker 3 Selector 6. yes, after all these years I remember it well. Techs had flown out to fix it and still it persisted, laughing at them. But my persistence was fucking stronger!!! I slew that motherfucker with electrical tape. All it was was some chafed insulation and when the door opened, from years of doing just that, it would short to the frame.
    [Reply to this comment]

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